Mar-a-Lago, Florida
Since conceding in recent weeks that he might not be able to affect the price of grocery items as significantly as he originally claimed – in many cases stating to reduce grocery bills by 50% or more – President Elect Donald Trump released a new plan to lay his own eggs.
“Nobody lays eggs like me. I lay the most beautiful eggs, more beautiful than any egg you have ever seen. And you won’t believe how fast I will lay them, a speed that many thought wouldn’t be possible.” After a short diatribe about how much Hannibal Lecter liked eating eggs, he finished with “we will have so many eggs that we won’t know what to do with them – you’ll be shocked.”
Trump also stated he will encourage American farmers to do the same. “We have a new flu that no one has ever heard of – bird flu – and it’s really a terrible thing. Just terrible what it’s doing to our country. So many birds dying, it really is sad. American farmers should lay their own eggs to take the burden off our feathered friends so that we can Make America Great Again, quickly.”
