Fort Knox, KY – This week, President Donald Trump ordered an audit of Fort Knox’s gold reserves, which has not been fully audited since 1953. It revealed a shocking discovery: all of America’s gold has been replaced with eggs.
It’s unknown precisely when the gold was replaced with eggs, or whether the gold was used to purchase the eggs, but there are a lot of eggs in the Fort Knox valut.
The rise in value of common chicken eggs in recent months have made them a prized, albeit perishable, commodity.
“Look, you can’t eat gold.” said United States Mint Police Chief (which we confirmed was a real position) Rich Eggman. “The transition from gold bullion to eggs was a strategic one predicated on necessity in the new eggconomy.”
In the vault next door housed massive quantities of bacon and potatoes, which The Weeklie was assured is unrelated to the adjacent bevy of eggs.
