The Netherlands – Perched upon the speakers’ podium, offering a speech at the 2025 NATO conference at The Hague, United States newly confirmed Wunderkind Secretary of Defense and former weekend morning show Fox News Host, Peter Hegseth, stood in a striking blue suit with one glaring accessory – an American Flag handkerchief protruding from his breast pocket.
Sensing the tension and hearing murmurs in the crowd, Hegseth quickly waved off concerns. “Folks, let’s be clear—I would never blow my nose with the American flag,” he assured the audience, pausing for dramatic effect. “That’s why I always carry my pocket-sized U.S. Constitution.”
With that, he reached into his pants pocket, retrieved a dog-eared mini Constitution, and unceremoniously tore out a page. The sound of ripping parchment echoed through the room as he honked into the sacred text, leaving the audience in stunned silence.
A reporter dared to ask, “Sir, are you—are you using the Constitution as a tissue?”
Hegseth shrugged. “Better than the flag, right? LET’S DO SHOTS!”
